In order to find that girl, your original core, you need to go back to your roots and confront them. Usually they aren't in those big, bustling cities like Paris or New York. From what can be gathered reading this, I think Paris is what you want to be, but in order to be that, you have to give up those qualities that distinguish you from others. There's a reason why they say, there's no place like home. If you want to be that girl again, go back to that place on your birth certificate. Everything else os an overinflated dream that you managed make true. But it obviously isn't. You're content, but you don't sound happy.